Posts

April 4, 2018

We Went to Hoo-Ville and it's Totally Gentrified Now

April 4, 2018

Maybe alcohol never really was the reason my life was such a mess...

October 19, 2017

Unanswered Cover Letter: Bleed, sweat, and cry as a public display of your desperation, debt, and likely starvation, in much the same way that your cover letter is a humiliating display of your exaggerated accomplishments sprinkled with keywords you copied right from t...

October 11, 2017

How Many Face Masks Does it Take to Cover Your Social Anxiety? We Find Out

October 5, 2017

I’m here to talk to you about some of the big changes happening around our newest office, which will now formally be referred to as “You Won’t Believe What We Did to the Playboy Mansion [PICS]”

September 26, 2017

To Whomever the Fuck it May/May Not Concern

September 26, 2017

Jon knocked on Dany’s door, potted succulent in hand. “A good gift,” he thought. He patted himself on the back through his freshly pressed Supreme shirt (a recent steal from a second hand vendor at the King’s Landing green market…he wouldn’t support such a mainstream b...

September 26, 2017

Millennial (18-34, ripe for market research)

October 28th, 1995—September 1st, 2017 (Scorpio rising, Capricorn Moon)

CAUSE OF DEATH: Millennial’s cause of death has been widely disputed by her family members and two friends that care enough to engage in a post-mortem dis...

September 26, 2017

Is Everyone Getting Jobs Without Me?

September 26, 2017

Here are some things you’ve probably heard a very smug and annoying person say, while thinking they are very special and unique for saying it:

"I honestly looove not having wifi. Technology sucks."

"Bernie WOULD have beat Trump. No question."

"I literally have no girl fri...

September 26, 2017

1. The guy who walks in with a guitar, fully encased, in his sunburnt arms, which are poking out of his Quicksilver tanktop. He has no shoes, the occasional flip flop perhaps, sometimes just one. One brave German girl asks what everyone's thinking: "OMG can you play?"...

September 26, 2017

Some bits of wisdom from a girl who's not qualified to give any:

  1. You'll forget the parties, the hookups, the uber rides, and the exams. But you will never forget the drunk meals you made yourself at 4am while your suite mates were asleep. (I'm triggered every time I...

September 26, 2017

Boy: U shud come over 2nite ;)

Me: Do you have low fodmap (fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharide and polyols) friendly foods in your fridge? If not I can bring tums along with a condom.

Boy: What're u wearing ?

Me: My fat pants from 2006 cuz my veggi...

September 26, 2017

Some tips and tricks to distract you for the next 4(to 8) years!

  1. Eat a banana, peel and everything. The texture will confuse you, and you'll begin to realize that peeling a banana is a lot like deskinning a human. It's weird! Why do we do it? This will be sure to ra...

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