A 10 Year Old's Christmas Wishlist in 2017

Dear Santa,

As I am sure you are probably aware, Christmas is coming up sooo soon. I think I’ve been reasonably good this year (except for when mommy caught me talking to my 11-year-old pen pal on my private email server), and have quite a few things I’d like to ask for on my Christmas list. Below is said list. Let me know if you need any further clarification.

Thanks! Luv ya!

~~~Madison~~~~

Sent from my iPhone

Barbie Dream House fully in tact with walk-in closet and nuclear fallout shelter
$100 (I know that’s a lot!) to pay for my future Internet bundle so I can keep posting dank memes on Insta
A pink bulletproof vest to match my first day of school outfit!
Coverage on mommy’s health insurance so she can spend more money on my favorite snacks (Doritos and almond butter)
A bedazzled flip phone to text my friends and Resistbot
A time machine that takes me back to 2007 (when I was 0-1 years old), when the Great George W. Bush was president. I’ve been hearing a lot of adults say that in retrospect he was freakin’ awesome!
Guaranteed clean air for my doll’s future children (mommy says I’ll prob be infertile cuz of GMOs)
Permission to drink covfefe with mommy and her girlfriends
Limited Too to have its own mall so that me and my besties can shop for ironic crop tops without creepy politicians soliciting us
Gift cards