Weekly Headlines
We Went to Hoo-Ville and it's Totally Gentrified Now
Things I Learned from Sober January
Maybe alcohol never really was the reason my life was such a mess...
The Most Classic Halloween Costumes for 2017
Unanswered Cover Letter: Bleed, sweat, and cry as a public display of your desperation, debt, and likely starvation, in much the same way that your cover letter is a humiliating display of your exaggerated accomplishments sprinkled with keywords you copied right from the job posting. Watch as nobody responds or cares. Write “To Whom It May Concern” across your forehead in blood and dress up as a waiter because that’s probably your job now. ($1.30/oz on Amazon) Twitter Notific
Things Definitely More Dangerous than Semi/Automatic Weapons Bought by Mentally Deranged Individuals
1. The Special K Challenge
Weekly Headlines
How Many Face Masks Does it Take to Cover Your Social Anxiety? We Find Out
First All-Hands Meeting At The Playboy Mansion After it is Acquired by Buzzfeed
I’m here to talk to you about some of the big changes happening around our newest office, which will now formally be referred to as “You Won
Cover Letter
To Whomever the Fuck it May/May Not Concern
GOT Season 7—Final Scene, Reimagined In The 21st Century
Jon knocked on Dany’s door, potted succulent in hand. “A good gift,” he thought. He patted himself on the back through his freshly pressed Supreme shirt (a recent steal from a second hand vendor at the King’s Landing green market…he wouldn’t support such a mainstream brand otherwise). She opened the door and smiled. “Thanks!” She placed the pot next to her ceramic dragon, one of the many tchotchkes she collected on her recent soul-searching solo trip to the Iron Islands. It w
Eulogy for Millennial
Millennial (18-34, ripe for market research) October 28th, 1995—September 1st, 2017 (Scorpio rising, Capricorn Moon) CAUSE OF DEATH: Millennial’s cause of death has been widely disputed by her family members and two friends that care enough to engage in a post-mortem discussion on their late, oftentimes unbearably dramatic, friend. Many (her roommate) speculate that her metacarpophalangeal joint damage, acquired after writing “To Whom it May Concern” and “Proficient in Micros
Purchasable, Untapped Book Titles for Millennials
Is Everyone Getting Jobs Without Me?
Things People Say that they Think You've Never Heard Before
Here are some things you’ve probably heard a very smug and annoying person say, while thinking they are very special and unique for saying it: "I honestly looove not having wifi. Technology sucks." "Bernie WOULD have beat Trump. No question." "I literally have no girl friends. I just get along with guys better! God, I probably couldn’t tell the difference between a mascara and a tampon. Talk about black marks in my ass and stabbing myself in the eye with bloody bits of cotton
The 5 People You Meet in a Hostel
1. The guy who walks in with a guitar, fully encased, in his sunburnt arms, which are poking out of his Quicksilver tanktop. He has no shoes, the occasional flip flop perhaps, sometimes just one. One brave German girl asks what everyone's thinking: "OMG can you play?" To which he chuckles, "Of course." The first 3 chords of Banana Pancakes fill the halls of the dormitories. Everyone groans. "Wait, I also know Redemption Song!" 2. The posh British girl who thinks she's traveli
Lessons Learned from an Almost Graduate who's Learned Almost Nothing
Some bits of wisdom from a girl who's not qualified to give any: You'll forget the parties, the hookups, the uber rides, and the exams. But you will never forget the drunk meals you made yourself at 4am while your suite mates were asleep. (I'm triggered every time I sense a spoonful of mayonnaise within 5 yards of my person) You will sign up for 2-6 clubs throughout college, all of which you will never attend a meeting. Some personal favorites are "Archeologists Meetup," "Stu
Dating with IBS
Boy: U shud come over 2nite ;) Me: Do you have low fodmap (fermentable oligosaccharides, disaccharides, monosaccharide and polyols) friendly foods in your fridge? If not I can bring tums along with a condom. Boy: What're u wearing ? Me: My fat pants from 2006 cuz my veggie burger had gluten in it. The lady on the subway gave up her seat for me cuz she thought i was pregnant lol Boy: Wanna turnup l8r? Me: Turnips are actually one of the foods I can eat in moderation! (2 servin
Things I do to Pretend the World's Not Ending
Some tips and tricks to distract you for the next 4(to 8) years! Eat a banana, peel and everything. The texture will confuse you, and you'll begin to realize that peeling a banana is a lot like deskinning a human. It's weird! Why do we do it? This will be sure to rack your brain for at least 20-30 minutes. Start telling everyone you're meditating. Your cool points go up by like 7 on the arbitrary cool point scale. Use this time to sit alone in your room and count the blackhea
