GOT Season 7—Final Scene, Reimagined In The 21st Century
Jon knocked on Dany’s door, potted succulent in hand. “A good gift,” he thought. He patted himself on the back through his freshly pressed Supreme shirt (a recent steal from a second hand vendor at the King’s Landing green market…he wouldn’t support such a mainstream brand otherwise). She opened the door and smiled. “Thanks!” She placed the pot next to her ceramic dragon, one of the many tchotchkes she collected on her recent soul-searching solo trip to the Iron Islands. It was a post “husband was just murdered and I emerged from a fire pit with 3 baby dragons wtf am I even doing with my life!?” kinda thing. Just herself and her faux dragon leather backpack on the open seas….
Anyway, Jon entered Dany’s room and complimented the “enormous amount of shelf space for a studio” she had. “How much do you pay for this place?” he asked. “10,651 hours of slave labor,” she laughed. “No I’m just kidding. You know I support #Fightfor15.” Jon chuckled. How could someone be so progressive AND beautiful? He thought she could do without the makeup, though. He preferred natural beauty, and mentally patted himself on the back again, this time for being so #feminist.
Dany motioned over to her bed, gently decorated with fake Dire Wolf fur and throw pillows from her favorite Etsy page, “Take a Knee-dle & Thread: Abigal’s Homemade Shop.” The two got into a brief debate on the ethics of fake fur—Jon, obviously bias on the topic of dire wolves, arguing that it perpetuates an immoral practice by legitimizing it’s aesthetic, and Dany suggesting that Jon ought to pick up some of Immanuel Kant’s writings on the importance of aesthetics. He went to University of Vermont, and she, NYU—The argument was inevitable.
After their healthy discussion, Dany began the process of flirtation by taking off her Brandy Melville one-size-fits-anyone-under-a-size-2 royal flower crown and dress. She felt awkward about the silence, so she turned on Netflix. “What’s your favorite show?” she whispered, outlining the curves of her body with her hands. “Arrested Development,” he responded, “Anything but the last season,” they both said in unison. Soulmates.
Jon and Dany cuddled up on her bed. Dany began to feel guilty that she might be a bad host, and offered Jon a goblet filled with Kombucha. She bought the goblet while vacationing in Dorne one summer with her now dead brother, Rhaegar. She began to feel tears well up in her eyes at the memory, and panicked. To hide her sadness from her hot date, she opened up her laptop to “check Facebook,” while Jon sat there awkwardly, not knowing if he should drink from the tear-inducing goblet or not. He felt compelled to mention that this was a “safe space,” and that he forget to ask Dany what her preferred gender pronouns were, if maybe that was what was upsetting her so much. He made a mental note to write a Raven later telling his friend, Sam, about how considerate and 4th wave #feminist he was.
Dany, now fully crying, tried to shrug it off, saying that she was just really moved by an album she heard earlier, one that Jon probably hadn’t heard of because it was really underground. “Tame Impala?” he asked innocently. She couldn't help but smile. Soulmates.
As Dany tried to get herself together, and Jon tried to take the tiniest sips of his Kombucha to avoid his usual bouts of IBS all together, an ad popped up on her Facebook while she was secretly stalking her dead brother’s old profile. It was for Ancestry.com. Dany thought this would be a fun thing to do with Jon, especially since they knew close to nothing about each other’s pasts and obviously looking up their ancestry would be innocent and uncontroversial. He agreed it would definitely be a fun and quirky thing to do on a date. They relaxed, and finally began their date, which they were sure would be totes perf starting now...