Things People Say that they Think You've Never Heard Before


Here are some things you’ve probably heard a very smug and annoying person say, while thinking they are very special and unique for saying it:

"I honestly looove not having wifi. Technology sucks."

"Bernie WOULD have beat Trump. No question."

"I literally have no girl friends. I just get along with guys better! God, I probably couldn’t tell the difference between a mascara and a tampon. Talk about black marks in my ass and stabbing myself in the eye with bloody bits of cotton!"

"I just always try to fix people."

"Quentin Tarantino."

"I’m actually a HUGE introvert. I love being alone. Shocking, I know. No, seriously. Omg I’m blushing. HALP I’m so shy and quirky. I love game shows. EEEP. TOTAL FUTURE CAT LADY!"

"OMG I literally have no idea what I’m doing with my life. I am SUCH a mess. We should make a web series."

[Points to plainest person in the room] "Wow she is SO beautiful. Call me unconventional but I really love natural beauty and like, different-looking women. Fuck beauty standards."

[White person, to first minority he sees at a party] "I hate white people."

"Moonlight, man. They made the gay thing so subtle. It subverted literally everything. Each shot was a symphony. I'm a film student."

"But did YOU know how much water is wasted in almond manufacturing?"

"Mosquitos just love me. Must have sweet blood ;) Ha ha."

"People always say I look like [very hot celebrity who bears no resemblance to speaker] but I honestly don’t see it at all!"

"Girl Interrupted like, changed me. Call me the only person in the world who loves Winona Ryder in a cult-like way but I LOVE Winona Ryder in a cult-like way."

"90s cartoon were the BEST. Ok fine I’ll say it: Total. Dork."

"I was definitely born in the wrong era. I’m SUCH an old soul. LOL ok ok I get it, 'go back to hugging trees flower child.'"

"Have you seen Spirited Away?"

"I’m socially liberal but fiscally conservative."

"I’m SO gross I could eat cream cheese with a spoon. OK...I HAVE!!"

"Communism is great...in theory."

#funny #comedy #humor #satire

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